Teeth (Vagina Dentata) (2007): The Hilariously Eerie-Feeling Movie

Having a chance for another long night to spend, i decided to go for a so called movie marathon. Gets in my mind to actually mention about this one ridiculously eerie movie titled "Teeth (Vagina Dentata)"


i would mention about my very own personal WARNING!!! goes out for all Straight guys out there who are basically laid-back. this movie goes for all of you. A warning to stop being soooooo laid-back and becareful that there's something beneath the hole that you love.


This movie is all about the myth that there are teeth hidden in between woman's vagina who are ready to custrate man's genital once it enters the hole. Dawn is the girl with that gift of preaching about keeping purity to High Schoolers until she realizes that she had vagina dentata. Slowly it takes victim coincidentally. but things get worse when she knows how to control it.


I think that this movie has totally, succesfully break its own genre into something totally different. it has Thriller/Horror as its genre while i preferabbly called it as COMEDY! i mean, what would be funnier than seeing guys being custrated and seeing their little mr. happy chopped off their crotch? also seeing those expressions are just, priceless! seriously, i would pay high price to get to see that face live.


but to say that this is a good movie, i would totally say no! why? because this movie doesn't have strong storyline. it's just i-am-a-virgin-girl-and-thus-i-hope-everyone-to-be-like-me girl that turn into some serial killer that chopped their victim's dick. the gory scenes weren't that gory after all. and instead of scarying people of dangers of having sex with strangers, this movie would just turn many guys into being gay. well, at least there are no such thing called Anal Dentata!


In Short
Story: 2/5 (Duh! We get the point!)
Casts: 2/5 (totally indie)
Costumes: 3/5 (typically high school based movies)
Jokes: 9/5 (for the fun being of seeing guy's penis get custrated and their facial expressions)
Overall: 2.5/5 (Don't even bother spending a penny to get the movie, borrow or steal it!)

American Idol 7 (2008) FINAL: Showdown of The Davids

This is my first report live. meaning, i am writing this as i observed their performances online.. Credit goes for youtube and whoever posting the video that i am watching now.

Opened with Archie and Cookie singing "Hero" by Nickelback? (CMIIW). Pretty amazing performance by David Cook while David Archuleta's voice is badly covered by Cookie's big rocker voice. pretty amazing covers, except for baby voice while Archie sang for the second verse of the song. He has no fight againts Cookie's rocker voice.

Seconded with Syesha's performances with Seal performing "Waiting For You". It is a pretty neat cover by Syesha who has the great entertainer quality. After all, second runner up doesn't mean loser. Syesha might open big in Showbiz after this. Anyway, she looks totally stunning! wonder why she get kicked out last week?

I'm skiping all the unimportant performances by Brian Adams, Jonas Brother and such. well, this show is about the Davids so let's stick with em and other finalists of AI7.

Next is David Cook ft. ZZ Top with "Short Dress Man" (I guess...). To be honest, i haev no idea who are the ZZ Top. as what i can see, they are a rock group who freakingly appearing in their Jewish beard and rock their ass off the stage. well, one thing is that they made Cookie look 100000000x more handsome than he already is. back to the voice quality, the songs totally suits Cookie. it is rockish, it is powerful and it made Paula stand on her feet acting like she is 18 again.

ARchie Ft. One Republic.. When i saw this i was like.. WHAT?!?! FOR REAL?!?! They are singing Apologize... well sparks off with Ryan Tedder with his usual high-pitchy voice of Apologize. then coming in Archie to the second verse. it is an okay performance i would say. nothing too special but archie's charisma are not really being shown instead, Ryan Tedder won it with his high-pitchy voice.. Too bad Archie, you kicking it with this song for Ryan Tedder's voice... Oh yea, Archie looks like he hasnt went to the John for days when he sang this song.. Constipation alert..!!!

Ah-HA!!! I can't help myself but to talk about Carrie's performance here. The white short suite is okay.. but what's with the long winded shawl that i really feel like stepping on it so she would fall down. Her voice is still there, the same ol' cowgirl voice that won this thing last 3 seasons.

Remember last season's American Idol, She came back! with stunning gold dress.. oh wait, not that stunning. but hey! she got it with her voice still. singing "One Step At Time" which i have no idea whether it's her original or what. just slightly better than Carrie's performance. Skipping it!

Let's talk about the kickened outs. Carly and Michael Johns having a duet here. with "The Letter" they really rocked the stage actually. both of them have actually amazing voice quality. Michael Johns have exactly the same voice quality as Cookie. perhaps, he get kicked out because of his origin? OZ? well, that's too bad!

The top 12 Returns!!!!! singing medley of i have no idea what songs are they.. but well, it is pretty stunning. again, Ramielle Malubay really stun me as well as Michael John. anyway, the Male finalists are being choreographed such as they look like Il Divo with Backstreet Boys move. Which is sucks!!!!! OH FINALLY!! SONG I KNOW! (at least i know the title) Freedom. they jumped around and sing and i dunno. they look loosen up now. Still, Cookie showed more star quality than what Archie have times three. This performance is kinda 0okay...

Moving on to the results! and the American Idol 2008 is...... DAVID.... COOK!!!!!! WOAAAHHH!!!! COOOKIE WON!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH...!!!! COOKIE!!! FINALLY!!!! YAY!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYY!!! YAY!!! YAY!!!!! Ohh.. he cried... that's so sweet... they brought back his brother again.. OH MY GOSH!!! A CRYING ROCKSTAR!!! Woahhh!!!! SHOCKING!!! The first ever Rockish American Idol!! after Daughtry and Constantine being rejected now finally a rockstar IDOL!! YAY!!!

Now the winning song.. 'The Time Of My Life" let me get my tongue on that.. Lyrics is pretty amazing, i like it to be honest. it's a little bit ballad in the verse but it suits Cookie's voice. and the chorus.. it sounded like... Christian song.. yes indeed... hmm... hate it... well, i prefer the 'Dream big' the one he sang during the final 2 performance last night.

Anyway, Congrats for David Cook... he really does done well. and for Archie, don't worry! you'll be the one in talk for the Ditz it wont be that hurt. just wait till they get Mattel to make plush of you!

Till Then, Hack Slap Crap Signing Off!

Ciao!

Gossip Girl Season 1(2007-2008): Upper East Siders Undercovers

Since last year September's we've been mesmerized by the charming and sophisticated tales from the Upper East Side. The series had succesfully given me another great obsessions towards New York City after my three-days-visit there. Though i don't really hang around the steps munching yoghurt just like Blair and her crews, set up a nice picnic by the Central Park like Dan and Serena or perhaps having a martini in The Palace just like what Serena always does.

Sparked off with the drama of Serena came back from the 'boarding school' whom she used it as runaway from her dark past (hooking up with Nate, and the friendship with Georgina), the situation gets more chaotic as Dan Humphrey the nobody enters the IT circle by dating Serena; The Somebody. Also Little J a.k.a Jenny Humphrey that is a total social climber who dares to steal jacket from a shop for the sake of dare and also steal her friend's mom's dress for the sake of getting fab dress for her birthday. And there goes the life of the Upper East Siders.

During the writer's strike, the show had its break for few months. This break had caused few changes as well as lacking of viewers after the show's break. Now that the show continued over the last few weeks, it has come to the Season Finale on May 19th.

[Skip this as this is a SPOILER of course if you don't mind then u can read it] The season's finale ended up with Lily and Bart Bass get married in one of the most enchanting wedding party of the manhattan's elite. Chuck ended up falling a fool for Blair and Blair take it back after several rejections of having Chuck Bass as the one who get her virginity. Also Rufus Humphrey's here-we-come-back band finally get a chance to go on tour. Also Jenny Humphrey who get the internship with Blair's mum, not forgetting Serena and Dan who are taking breaks for all summer while Blair and Chuck having summer break in a private jet to Europe, but Chuck break it off for Amelia; Lily's helper for the new apartment.. Oh All The Drama!!! oh yeah, i nearly forget Vanessa that get intimate wit Nate Archibald and Serena that offers the great summer for his lonely summer inb Bronx. Oh The MORE Drama..!!

Overall, the show is pretty entertaining and amazing for me. The story seems way too exaggerative for real human life but what can i say? it's drama! you need it for all the profits. the show's soundtracks are just amazing. i actually stole some of the songs just for the sake of listening to it over and over again. By the chance any of you have the "Santa Baby" by Constance Billard Choirs, may i have it please?

For those who love OC but just can't stand the sun and the fact that Marissa Cooper has gone away from the series, this is a-must-watch. But for those who are in love with the original novel series, you might wanna consider it first. it's not as good as you read it. Somehow, it just different.

In Short:

Story: 4/5 (Might be a bit of biasness due to my over obsessions with NYC)

Casts: 4/5 (Super sophisticating and great pretty handsome people.. NATE ARCHIBALD!!!)

Costumes: 4.5/5 (Phillip Lim, Marc Jacobs and buh-bye Marissa Cooper's Chanel)

Jokes: 3.5/5

Soundtracks 4.5/5

Overall: 4/5 (Grab the series DVD Boxset!)

XoXo,

H.S.C

P.S: i really am wondering, does series always ends up with hanging story?

P.P.S: Oh crap, just found out.. it is...

P.P.P.S: And it's always not in the good part...

Iron Man (2008): Another Superhero Movie

As far as i counted, there are about 5 people who recomended this movie to me. and as far as i concerned, when there are 5 people who said that this movie is great, then this movie should at least satisfy my need for good movies. well, sadly to say: it doesnt..

sparks off with scenes where Tony Starks had gone off to Afghanistan to support the US Army there with the new aritificial weapon named 'Jericho'. It turns out that the secret terrorist socitey are also looking forward to have Jericho for their own. Starks being captured force to create Jericho, instead he created the human machinery robot that resembles the metallic version of my teacher.

When Starks saved, he returned to USA with new will to destroy his weapon facility and create new form of defence, Iron Man. with the attractive gold and red colour. Thus, protecting world and destroying his own house.

As for me, my only favourite scene is where the Metallic-Version-Of-My-Teacher popped out of the cave.. why? because i can't stop laughing my ass off... and my personal hateable moment, is where he dropped off the roof and hit the porsche badly! I nearly cried when i saw that light blue car with deliquent white stripes being crushed off and Tony doesn't even feel guilty about it! as for my friend, his worst scene is where Tony dropped off to a grand piano (footnote: my friend's a pianist).

I have to admit though, the imagination level is pretty much SUPER HIGH and being presented very well. let's take example where Starks designed the new Iron Man suite. the 3-D graphic LCD, the no-need-to-touch-to-touch-it computer screen. It's pretty much unbelieveable but well, Superhero is imaginary after all.

secondly, the smart dialogues and light humours that they put in between was really fresh. i can't easily laugh at it and also the idiotic scene of Starks with his fire extinguishers.

Lastly, Robert Downey Jr. is really good in acting as younger person than he really is...

In Short:
Story: 3/5 (For cheesines and stereotypicallity of a Superhero movie)
Casts: 3/5 (Gywneth paltrow doesnt play her part that well)
Costumes: 2/5 ( YOU CALL THE METALLIC VERSION OF MY TEACHER A GOOD ONE?)
Jokes: 4/5 (The fire extinguishers rule!!!!!)
Overall : 3/5 (Steal this movie!)

Speed Racer (2008): The Revival of Asian Cartoon Culture

Based on the popular cartoon in early 90s, Speed Racer sent to the silver screen throught the hands of Wachowski Brothers. It is a very colourful movie in sense that the directors play a lot with cartoon effects and also green screen. Speed Racer embrace one's eyes with colours, movements and also imaginative scenes of racing and fighting.

For the first 10 to 20 minutes, you might get nausea feeling just like Cloverfield, Speed Racer gives you the high speed scenes of unexplainable race in cartoon world. however, after sometimes, you might get used to it and actually enjoy the movie despite of the only reason why i didn't give this movie a 5/5.

Critics might found this movie as disturbing in sense that it gives you nothing but nausea feeling or senseless cars who can leap to the air and worse, the illegal race that even scarier than that of Fast and Furious. My suggestion is a fan of real racing cars should not watch this movie as it is too imaginative and will make them shook their head throughout the movie in confusions.

The portrait of Racer family in this movie is simply and perfectly amazing. From costume, it is just super as they seriously concerning in costume that Speed wearing to make it exactly the same as what he wears in the anime series. Also the other characters such as Pop Racer, Mum Racer also Sparky and Chimp-Chimp. There are a lot of comical and non-sensical scenes involving Sparky and Chimp-Chimp that cause you too laugh badly.

In my opinion, i threw the last star of this movie for the South Korean actor; RAIN. no offence to the casting team or Rain's fan around the world. but it is for real and for scarily real that Rain cant speak English for goodness sake! i understand that the the movie portray character Taejo as asian that barely speak English. But let's take it to real life, when you speak asian-accented-english, would you even be involved in business or racing cars like that? well, kinda difficult for me to take it. but Rain's appearance in this movie is just seriously disturbing and it should be banned.

Little bit trivia from editor's account. you should guess how many Asians are used to make this movie? i would say a lot, main casts, other casts and also useless cast (such as acting as radio correspondant from Japan or China). in a sense or two, this movie is just like a tribute for Asian people. Be Proud! (Well, they shouldnt only put "No Animal Were Harmed In The Making Of This Movie" but also "No Asians Were Harmed In The Making Of This Movie")

Shorter Reviews:

Story: 4/5

Casts: 4/5 (as usual, one star gone for Rain)

Costumes: 5/5 (for equally the same costume as what they used in Anime version)

Jokes: 3.5/5

Overall: 4/5 (highly recomended!!)

Welcome To 'Hack, Slap, Crap!'

hi there... i'm sure if you'd be watching this, you must be invited by me..

well, that's true.. that's my new critique blog trying to spread out through mouths.. at least, internet.
maybe there have been thousands and thousands of blog like merely the same thing here.

Critique
/kriteek/

• noun a detailed analysis and assessment.

• verb (critiques, critiqued, critiquing) evaluate in a detailed and analytical way.

— ORIGIN French.

(Source: Oxford English Online Dictionary)

So... enjoy my mouth, my blabbers, my tongue, slit right through or perhaps praising right on..

Hack, Slap, Crap!